Emotional numbness can be confusing and deeply isolating. At first glance, it may seem like you don’t care. However, in reality, emotional numbness is not a lack of emotion. Instead, it is your nervous system’s way of protecting you from feelings that once felt too overwhelming to process or survive.
In my work with clients throughout Montrose, Glendale, Burbank, Pasadena, and Los Angeles — both in person and through telehealth — I often hear statements like:
- “I can’t feel joy or sadness — just nothing.”
- “I know I should be upset, but I don’t feel anything.”
- “I feel disconnected from myself and everyone else.”
- “It’s like I’m watching my life instead of living it.”
Although these experiences can be unsettling, they are far more common than most people realize. Importantly, numbness is not apathy. Rather, it is a survival response that once helped you get through something difficult.
Why Emotional Numbness Happens
When emotions were too intense, too unsafe, or too unsupported — especially during childhood — the nervous system learned to turn the volume down. As a result, emotional numbing became a coping strategy that allowed you to keep functioning when fully feeling would have been too painful or too risky.
Often, emotional numbness develops in response to experiences such as:
- Growing up with emotionally unavailable caregivers
- Being punished, shamed, or ignored for expressing emotions
- Living in environments marked by chaos, anger, or unpredictability
- Experiencing trauma that felt impossible to process at the time
- Being placed in a caretaker role instead of being cared for
Because of this, your body did exactly what it needed to do to survive. Even now, it may still rely on that same protective strategy — not because something is wrong with you, but because your nervous system learned this was the safest option available.
How Emotional Numbness Shows Up in Daily Life
Although numbness can feel like “nothing,” it often shows up in very specific ways. For example, you might notice:
- Feeling far away from yourself
- Difficulty connecting emotionally with others
- Not knowing what you feel when asked
- Losing interest in things you once enjoyed
- Experiencing life as flat, muted, or distant
- Trouble crying, even when you want to
- Mentally checking out during stress
- Moving through life on autopilot
In other words, emotions are not gone — they are being held back by a nervous system that learned safety through shutdown.
Emotional Numbness and the Freeze Response
Very often, emotional numbness is closely connected to the nervous system’s freeze response. When fight or flight was not possible, your body chose stillness and disconnection as a way to stay safe. Consequently, shutting down became a reliable form of protection.
While this response may have helped you survive earlier experiences, it can now interfere with connection, joy, intimacy, and presence. Over time, life may begin to feel distant rather than lived — not because you are disengaged, but because your system is still protecting you from perceived threat.
How Therapy Helps You Reconnect with Your Emotions
Healing emotional numbness does not involve forcing yourself to feel everything all at once. Instead, it focuses on slowly rebuilding a sense of safety so emotions can return naturally and at a pace your nervous system can tolerate.
At Touchstone Trauma Therapy, I support this process through several trauma-informed approaches:
Somatic Therapy
First, somatic work helps you gently notice physical sensations without becoming overwhelmed. This allows your body to reconnect with feeling in a controlled, safe way.
Inner Child Work
At the same time, inner child work allows you to reconnect with younger parts of yourself that learned it was safer not to feel. These parts are met with compassion rather than pressure.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy
Meanwhile, mindfulness helps build awareness of your internal experience with curiosity instead of judgment. This creates space for emotions to arise without fear.
Parts Work (Internal Family Systems)
Additionally, Parts Work supports the protective parts of you that still believe numbness is necessary for safety. Rather than pushing these parts away, therapy helps them soften when they no longer have to work so hard.
EMDR
Furthermore, EMDR helps reprocess memories that taught your nervous system to disconnect. Over time, the body learns that those moments are no longer happening now.
Grounding and Nervous System Regulation
Finally, grounding practices help your body stay anchored in the present moment as emotions gradually return.
Together, these approaches gently “thaw” the nervous system rather than overwhelm it.
What Healing from Emotional Numbness Feels Like
Healing from numbness is often subtle at first. For instance, you may notice small emotional shifts long before big ones appear.
Over time, clients frequently describe:
- Feeling gentle emotions first, such as curiosity, warmth, or sadness
- Becoming more present in their body
- Feeling more emotionally connected to others
- Gaining clarity about personal needs and boundaries
- Crying again — often a sign of healing, not regression
- Experiencing moments of joy or tenderness
- Feeling more grounded and alive
Gradually, healing can feel like waking up after a long sleep — slowly, safely, and with increasing awareness.
Why You’re Not Broken
It’s important to understand that emotional numbness did not develop because you are cold, distant, or damaged. Rather, it emerged because your body protected you when you needed protection the most.
Now, with the right support, your nervous system can learn that it is safe to feel again. Most importantly, healing does not require rushing. Instead, it happens gently, in layers, and at your own pace.
You deserve to feel again — not all at once, but bit by bit, in ways that feel grounded and safe.
Touchstone Trauma Therapy
2441 Honolulu Ave, Suite 120
Montrose, CA 91020
(626) 824-8572
Serving Montrose • Glendale • Burbank • Pasadena • Los Angeles • Telehealth/Remote Video Therapy Across California